An epic tale of tragedy, irony, and love

I wasn't going to tell this story today, I had something else planned. But sometimes the universe just throws things at you which makes your story gel, and provides you with a new perspective on things. So my other thoughts will have to wait for another day.

This is the story of Hedgie the Hog. With some other bits tacked on at the end, but mainly about Hedgie.

Last weekend we were zipping through yard work and I'd asked Matt to cut back the boxwoods out front and scatter some fertilizer/bug killer under them (we had leaf miners, or so I'd been told). I had just returned from grocery shopping with Sarah and Jason the following Wednesday morning, last week. Matt happened to be outside when we got back & he and I were chatting while Sarah and Jason played a little bit out front. I walked over to the front door to retrieve a package, took it into the house & came back out. It was then that I noticed I'd walked right pass a HEDGEHOG just sitting in my begonias about 4 feet away from where I was standing, and had walked right past not 3 minutes before.


I swear I thought it was dead. I (of course) called Matt over to 'handle' it. We were looking at it, wondering what it was, and then he nudged it with his foot & it kind of reared back - I shrieked (of course), and so I hustled the kids inside to let Matt deal with it. I'm thinking this hedgehog was living under the boxwoods & had been poisoned by the shrub stuff - you don't normally find hedgehogs sitting in your flowers.

I continued on about my business and put away the groceries and fed the kids lunch. I happened to pass the garage door and noticed Matt had gardening gloves on & was relieved to know the animal was being 'removed'. A few minutes later he came in and got some carrots from the fridge & a bowl from the yard sale pile. Here I am, thinking he's gotten a shovel and moved the thing out into the woods to die in peace, but no - he had this half-dead animal in a cardboard box with an old towel, some carrots and water. He then proceeded to put the garage door down with this animal in a box inside our garage. At this point I was starting to question his sanity...

I went out maybe 2 hours later to take a picture to text to my friend, who'd sent ME pictures of the adorable kittens she's fostering, and it's GONE. Lovely. We now had a half-dead poisoned wild animal roaming the garage. I called Matt up from his office (because clearly this was not my problem to solve) and we started hunting around. It wasn't along the walls behind anything, and wasn't hiding under the truck or the van, so I helpfully suggested maybe we should back out the cars and leave the door up for a while & maybe it would leave.

Well - no good deed goes unpunished. Matt backed his truck out just fine, and then backed the van out and - we found Hedgie. He must have climbed up on the rear tire of the van. May he rest in peace.

Now for those of you who have the impression that I'm a sweet person - I laughed until I had tears rolling down my face, and then I kept laughing. I did feel bad about Hedgie, and bad for Matt, who just wanted him to die in peace, but it was just a strange, surreal turn of events that I couldn't help it. And the fact that we've been averaging 6 hours of sleep a night I'm sure didn't help.

Thankfully Evie, our resident Animal Lover, wasn't home to witness any of this, and Matt had removed the evidence & cleaned up before the big two came home from school. Sarah did ask me the next morning, though, where the animal in the box was. Um, it's gone honey.

So there was the tragedy and irony, now for some love. Matt took the little kids to Costco on Friday so I could get some yard sale prep done, and he came home with 3 bottles of the chardonnay I'd tried and loved, a FUNBALL for the kids ($30 at the warehouse!), and a garden gnome for me - because I love them :)


This afternoon, after sitting in traffic for two hours, Matt took the time to blow up the funball on this gorgeous day, AND handle the 3 foot long snake I'd found climbing the shrub out front while taking pictures.

And by 'handle', of course I mean he walked it back to the woods so it could terrorize me some other day :) He IS the Man Your Man Should Smell Like.



Clearly, I've got the better end of the deal here, and I really need to remember that more. And no, even though I'm within the weight limit, I don't fit in a funball. But I had a good laugh trying!