Monday, May 24, 2010

An epic tale of tragedy, irony, and love

I wasn't going to tell this story today, I had something else planned. But sometimes the universe just throws things at you which makes your story gel, and provides you with a new perspective on things. So my other thoughts will have to wait for another day.

This is the story of Hedgie the Hog. With some other bits tacked on at the end, but mainly about Hedgie.

Last weekend we were zipping through yard work and I'd asked Matt to cut back the boxwoods out front and scatter some fertilizer/bug killer under them (we had leaf miners, or so I'd been told). I had just returned from grocery shopping with Sarah and Jason the following Wednesday morning, last week. Matt happened to be outside when we got back & he and I were chatting while Sarah and Jason played a little bit out front. I walked over to the front door to retrieve a package, took it into the house & came back out. It was then that I noticed I'd walked right pass a HEDGEHOG just sitting in my begonias about 4 feet away from where I was standing, and had walked right past not 3 minutes before.

I swear I thought it was dead. I (of course) called Matt over to 'handle' it. We were looking at it, wondering what it was, and then he nudged it with his foot & it kind of reared back - I shrieked (of course), and so I hustled the kids inside to let Matt deal with it. I'm thinking this hedgehog was living under the boxwoods & had been poisoned by the shrub stuff - you don't normally find hedgehogs sitting in your flowers.

I continued on about my business and put away the groceries and fed the kids lunch. I happened to pass the garage door and noticed Matt had gardening gloves on & was relieved to know the animal was being 'removed'. A few minutes later he came in and got some carrots from the fridge & a bowl from the yard sale pile. Here I am, thinking he's gotten a shovel and moved the thing out into the woods to die in peace, but no - he had this half-dead animal in a cardboard box with an old towel, some carrots and water. He then proceeded to put the garage door down with this animal in a box inside our garage. At this point I was starting to question his sanity...

I went out maybe 2 hours later to take a picture to text to my friend, who'd sent ME pictures of the adorable kittens she's fostering, and it's GONE. Lovely. We now had a half-dead poisoned wild animal roaming the garage. I called Matt up from his office (because clearly this was not my problem to solve) and we started hunting around. It wasn't along the walls behind anything, and wasn't hiding under the truck or the van, so I helpfully suggested maybe we should back out the cars and leave the door up for a while & maybe it would leave.

Well - no good deed goes unpunished. Matt backed his truck out just fine, and then backed the van out and - we found Hedgie. He must have climbed up on the rear tire of the van. May he rest in peace.

Now for those of you who have the impression that I'm a sweet person - I laughed until I had tears rolling down my face, and then I kept laughing. I did feel bad about Hedgie, and bad for Matt, who just wanted him to die in peace, but it was just a strange, surreal turn of events that I couldn't help it. And the fact that we've been averaging 6 hours of sleep a night I'm sure didn't help.

Thankfully Evie, our resident Animal Lover, wasn't home to witness any of this, and Matt had removed the evidence & cleaned up before the big two came home from school. Sarah did ask me the next morning, though, where the animal in the box was. Um, it's gone honey.

So there was the tragedy and irony, now for some love. Matt took the little kids to Costco on Friday so I could get some yard sale prep done, and he came home with 3 bottles of the chardonnay I'd tried and loved, a FUNBALL for the kids ($30 at the warehouse!), and a garden gnome for me - because I love them :)

This afternoon, after sitting in traffic for two hours, Matt took the time to blow up the funball on this gorgeous day, AND handle the 3 foot long snake I'd found climbing the shrub out front while taking pictures.

And by 'handle', of course I mean he walked it back to the woods so it could terrorize me some other day :) He IS the Man Your Man Should Smell Like.

Clearly, I've got the better end of the deal here, and I really need to remember that more. And no, even though I'm within the weight limit, I don't fit in a funball. But I had a good laugh trying!


  1. Oh my oh my - I flinch thinking of dead gross animals!

  2. I don't even know where to start, so I'll just say . . . EW!!!! Look at that snake!!! Ugh, hope that thing doesn't come back.

  3. Poor Hedgie, however I'd be laughing right along with you! Ummm that snake is HUGE! I don't mind snakes (from a distance), but I sure as heck would have made sure that my hubby did something a little more permiment with it. BTW, what is with all the animals... is this normal? Do you guys always get animal visitors?
    LOVE the Funball... that looks awesome. I am SO looking for that when we hit Costco next.. which happens to be tomorrow :)

  4. Poor Hedgie. But after the snake I'm pretty sure I'd have to move!

  5. What?! I need one of those funballs...I'm gonna get one. :)
    Okay, the man all handsome in a suit basically, and a SNAKE!!! EW!!!
    And the hedgehog...that looks like a huge rat to me! And I'm laughing just thinking about it!!
    I can't stop!
    I know you probably knew I'd laugh at that crap. I'm just a jerk like that.

  6. ok...that is the second "I saw a snake" story I read today. AHHHHHHH!!!!! Don't you love a man that can take care of business?!

    I, too....want a fun ball. I probably would break it...because ain't no way something that fun and cool could be in my presence without me trying it.

  7. Eeek, that snake is scary! But the funball looks awesome! And I love your gnome!


  8. I had goosebumps all over and shivered as I read this post....

    On another note, I am loving that fun ball. How great is that. My kids would love that!

  9. Poor Hedgie! Although it was faster than him slowly dying from the poison.

    I'm so getting a funball and I'll make myself fit in it!!

  10. How did I miss three post?
    You know, unless that snake went over my feet, I'm OK with it. They get rodents!
    And I must find that funball.

  11. Oh my! Somehow it does make me feel better that it wasn't a hedgehog. :) My girls would FREAK about that funball - looks like a blast!


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