I haven't been to your blog lately. Or gotten any projects done. Or slept much. The sleep thing is my own fault though - well, actually its the fault of the Olympics. Why on earth do they have to run until 11:30 at night? And all the good stuff happens at the end. Oh, and its Matt's fault too, because he was in Hawaii - I can never get to bed before midnight when he's away :) Anyway! What I have been doing was/is trying to be a better person in Real Life.
I had a revelation while the kids were off from school with all the snow. You could say it was a fork in the road. I saw myself with 2 paths ahead of me - one led to a rich and happy family life, and the other led to me probably ending up alone because I'd alienated everyone around me. You see, I'm not always convinced I'm cut out for the at-home mom thing. Not that I mind the at-home part, I'm actually a homebody. It's the mom part. To say I'm not the most patient person around is probably a vast understatement. The constant whirlwind of noise and activity and someone always needing something wears me down and I end up feeling resentful and like I can't breathe. And then the yelling begins. Especially so when the small people aren't cooperating.
There seems to be less and less time these days to complete chores, work on projects and just get stuff DONE, and I'm not sure why. I have a sneaking suspicion that it's related to the two smallest people in the house. Even a year ago, at ages one and two, there seemed to be more time in the day. Maybe it's just that they are all just a little older and more demanding of my attention; and while I thought having William in school all day would ease things up a bit, it's actually gotten tougher, as he now has homework and some after school activities too.
I realized one evening after a stupid argument with my better half that this is my life, and yes it's crazy, but it's mine to live to my best ability. These are my kids to raise as well as I can, and I am so grateful that they are all happy and (as far as we know) healthy. I could continue on as I was, and pass my neurotic controlling tendencies and crappy attitude (aka crapitude) on to my kids, or I could try to improve my own self and see if that behavior is emulated by them. Because honestly, I haven't been thrilled with some of the sassy things coming out of their mouths - especially the girls.
So I'm trying to take things in stride more, and hopefully yelling less. I'm trying to organize my day better so that there is time for exercise, to play with the kids, time for myself, and time for my husband. And I'm trying to not stuff my face with m&ms due to frustration. Because when I reach the end of the road I'd rather be surrounded by my happy family and not be the batty old fat lady in a rocker with hundreds of cats. With all the coffee I drink, hopefully I'm staving the batty part off :)
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