Evie was born in October. I envisioned being snowed in at home with the baby, waiting at the window for Daddy to come home, my days fulfilled by being a homemaker & caring for the life we'd created. I'd sew cute clothes from all those adorable patterns & fabrics for kids, and relish doing all the 'mom' things like baking cookies, helping with homework, teaching them things. We'd have 3 and it would be a Norman Rockwell life.
And then I woke up!
We didn't have to wait for Daddy to come home that first winter, because he was home with us, thanks to the company we both worked for going bankrupt. Sewing? In addition to the skirts I made for Easter, I've made 3 Halloween costumes and a Baptism gown. Maybe I'll be a grandmother who sews beautiful clothes someday.
The cookies, homework and teaching? I really struggle with trying to manage the 4 when we're making anything. It would probably be a lot healthier for my mental state if I could let go of my need to control things. Homework can be a challenge because by the time Evie and William get home from school, Sarah and Jason are getting up from their naps. As Jason has gotten bigger and more vocal, life has gotten more chaotic in the afternoons. I find myself saying the same things over and over and over again before tasks finally get completed. My plate is full.
I'm convinced that my children are different from yours. We joke that Evie is a labrador & when she doesn't get enough running around outside, she runs around inside. On all fours. She's 8-1/2, and we're wondering if this will ever stop. William, darling boy that he is, lives in his own world, somewhat unaware of what's going on around him. He can spend hours focused on whatever task he's involved in, but it can be difficult to bring him back to earth when you need him to do something else. Sarah? Well - we're discovering exactly how much like me she is, and our days together are getting very interesting. Jason - he's just my little love, and all boy. At 2-1/2 he's already stuffing his pockets with marbles & rocks, but always has a smile and hug for his mommy.
All this to say, is it all I thought it was cracked up to be? Absolutely not. Are there moments of sheer bliss? Definitely! But I never pictured all the strife and struggle that would go along with it, as I only have my own memories and what you see in public of other families to compare it to. From the moment we brought Evie home from the hospital and looked at each other wondering 'now what', Matt and I have been trying to find the balance between family/self/chores/projects, and it's a constant juggling act as priorities change.
We're getting there, day by day, trying to balance each other out and remember that it's a journey, not a destination - there's lots to see on the way to wherever it is we're headed (feels like the funny farm some days) and we're all sharing this ride together - might as well enjoy it!
I say all this not to complain, just to get my thoughts out there - this is my only journal of our days and I try to keep it honest. But then, I assume this is what you expect to find when you read a blog by the Harried Mom of Four :)
*******************************************Pictures are courtesy of Sarah. I was clearing off the memory card and discovered our world through Sarah's eyes - they made me laugh (and there's a LOT more where these came from!)